Hullo. Welcome to the author’s commentary on The Depths of Winter. My name is Camilla, I’m twenty years old and here follows the very interesting story behind the fanfic…

Coming up with the idea

When I began writing The Depths of Winter (which at the time, and actually throughout my writing of the fic and the subsequent betaing, was known as ‘Draco wheelchair’) back in May 2003, I had absolutely no idea where I was going with the fic. I didn’t have the plot, save for the very first scene, where Draco gets into the accident.

To begin with, the story was inspired by a Sailor Moon fic called Romancing the Enemy, in which Darien gets into a motorbike accident. That’s all that’s the same, though – Darien doesn’t get paralyzed.

Several readers have asked if I have a thing for Draco being paralyzed, seeing how I did the same thing to him in the end of Time out of Place. I don’t think I actually thought that far when I started writing this fic; it was more a cool idea that I hadn’t seen written out before.

I stopped writing ‘Draco wheelchair’ after about four pages, having absolutely no idea of where to go with it. I was also graduating from high school and starting a full-time job, which meant I had very little time to write. I was still posting TooP and writing ficlets instead (my myriad of mpregs…).

Then, around July, I once more wanted to write and ‘Draco wheelchair’ sounded interesting again. I gave it a try and wrote a couple more pages. I knew the story would be at least fairly long (counting 40, perhaps 50 pages), since I as usual didn’t want to stress the boys’ relationship. I wrote up until page twenty or so, then my ‘sister’, Laura, from the US, came to visit for three weeks. One of those weeks was spent in sunny Greece. I spent many an hour writing on the story during that week and when we got home again, I had the first forty pages of the story done.

Heading in no specific direction

My problem? I still didn’t know where the fic was headed. I knew I wanted to do the ‘blowing up the apartment’ scene – I actually wanted that scene to be in TooP, but it never fit in so I had to let it go back then. For TDoW, however, it fit wonderfully. I didn’t have the culprit yet; I didn’t decide on Hermione being the bad girl until about a hundred pages into the story, I think (which is why I had to go back and edit a couple of things).

When I wrote the scenes where Draco is a vegetable, I had first planned on going into his mind and dreams as well. I tried it but it didn’t work – my fics are better when I stay with one person, preferably Harry. His point of view is what works best for me. So the idea of seeing things from Draco’s POV was scrapped and I got bored with his veggie state and brought him out of it.

From the very beginning, Myra was called Kira. I always have a reason for naming my characters a certain way – Kira means ‘Dark lady’. By that, you may be able to figure out that Kira/Myra was supposed to be the bad guy. Then she got way too nice and the whole idea that Harry had known her for years already meant it didn’t make any sense that she would suddenly want to kill him. Thus, I introduced Mona. Mona, whose real name is ‘Desdemona’ which means ‘Of the Devil’, never quite fit into the role of the Bad Girl, either, however. That and I thought it was kind of an ‘easy way out’ to invent a new character – it was too simple.

Blaming Hermione instead suddenly turned into a very interesting option. A bit of re-writes of the part where Draco turns veggie and a bit around the bomb scene, and that all seemed to fit fairly well.

The story is so long that the problem with remembering all the details has very much been there for me (too). I brought in a ‘plot-beta’, Sarah, before I’d finished and she was supposed to read through the entire story and tell me if anything didn’t fit together. She did a good job and pointed out a few things and so it was back to re-writes, again.

The slashy relationship between Misters Potter and Malfoy

When I first wrote the story, I knew Harry and Draco’s relationship would take time to develop. The problem here was that it actually took too much time. Harry and Draco, in the final version, get together in chapter eighteen (‘Fly away’) – even then, it’s very late in the story, considering the story only has twenty-six chapters. However, in the original version, the version that Sarah got to read the first time, Harry and Draco didn’t get together until the pool-scene in chapter twenty (‘Auror Johnson’). By then, even I was bored with how slowly the relationship was moving and since I wanted them to be together for a while before the finale, I decided to re-write the scene where Draco is singing.

Originally, that scene ended with Harry just watching him, feeling sad, before returning to his room and being unable to sleep. I decided that it was a good a moment as any for them to kiss for the first time.

Only one reviewer (nancygirl, ff.net) has called me on using lyrics as a way to express a character’s feelings. She called the chapter a ‘huge detraction from the general high quality of the fic’. Everyone else seemed to be touched by the chapter, loving it (among those who reviewed, that is – I can’t say anything about the 95% who didn’t).

And I will now admit that I don’t particularly like this chapter. Since this wasn’t the way the scene was supposed to go to begin with, it never quite turned out the way I wanted it too. I still had the feeling that people would like it and I didn’t dislike it, so I left it in.

The pool-scene, where Draco breaks down, was supposed to be the place where Harry finally admits, to both himself and Draco really, that he’s in love with Draco. Now I use the scene for Draco to break down and for their relationship to become a bit deeper, instead. Sex isn’t something I’m particularly fond of writing, but as it is a part of life, and thus a part of the problem when one is injured with a spinal cord injury, I felt I had to write it. The final version of the sex scene wasn’t written until the middle of June, even though the fic was ‘finished’ (as finished as a story ever gets for me) in the beginning of January.

Minor characters and major roles

Let’s see, commenting the other characters. Oh, yes – Darius. Love him. Darius’ name means ‘wealthy’ (Greek), because Darius is wealthy and I thought it was a really cool name. His last name, Aldén, was inspired by the name ‘Aldwyn’, which means ‘old friend’ (old English). Darius was supposed to be just that – a character that sort of reminded both the reader and Harry of Ron, but a bit more mellow (Darius doesn’t have a temper like Ron). I think he’s partly inspired by my brother, who wouldn’t have a problem saying either of the lines Darius delivers in the story (and who actually inspired some of the things Darius says).

Darius falling in love with Myra is another parallel I wanted to draw, this time to the Ron/Hermione relationship. It also felt like a natural development for Darius, who’s only dating brainless girls who likes him for his looks and money, to fall in love with the exact opposite of that – a friend with brains and determination.

Myra’s last name, Pryderi, wasn’t decided until after I’d decided not to make her the bad girl. Her last name means ‘care’ (Welsh). Care is pretty much what Myra does throughout the story. She has a tendency to see things Harry doesn’t – she’s figured out how much he cares for Draco long before Harry does. She’s actually not blind to Darius’ love either, but she doesn’t want to risk their friendship in case she’s wrong. Myra is probably the character I have the clearest in my head. She’s a lot like Hermione was at Hogwarts – ambitious, studious, caring. She comes from a family that doesn’t have that much money, which is why she is so very determined to make it. When Harry suggests she’d be a housewife, she’s irritated because it’s the very last thing she wants to be.

Mona is also very clear in my mind. Her last name, D’Razi, is inspired by Razi, which means ‘secret’ (Hebrew). I put the D there because I wanted it to be Desdemona D’Razi. Dunno, it seemed cool.

As lash on ff.net said about Harry’s friends: “But Harry has, once again, managed to find some terrific friends. He has a knack for that. Lucky him. May we all be as fortunate.” Indeed, I say.

Palesa, or Pally as she’s called throughout the story, is another character that I know well. She never made it into the story, really – Harry talks to her on the phone and she’s mentioned as visiting the hospital after the bombing, but you never actually see her. Palesa, which means ‘flower’ (African), is in my mind a round black lady with black hair (and a couple of grey strands). She’s about fifty years old, came to England when she was a teen from Africa. She can be very strict – she threatens to send Harry to a psychologist, after all – but she has an incredibly kind heart – otherwise she wouldn’t have taken Harry in to begin with. She loves reading and has worked at the publishing company for over twenty years. Her last name is Devan, taken from from Devin: “from Ó Dubháin (which means “descendent of Dubhán”). The given name Dubhán means “little black one.” It is, of course, the latter I’m playing on.

Finally, we have Candy Mignon, who is only mentioned in the story, as she’s in France throughout the story. Candy was a character put in to even the odds – two girls, two boys, instead of one girl and two boys. But then she didn’t fit into the story, which is why she got to stay in France. Candy is short, about 5’1”, with blond hair, round cheeks and blue eyes. She’s very different from Myra – Myra likes to dress in suits, pants, one-colored shirts. Candy likes to dress in flowery dresses, skirts, multi-colored shirts, scarves, blouses and so on. Candy’s name means ‘bright, sweet’ (American), with the last name of Mignon, which means ‘cute, darling’ (French). If I were ever to write a sequel to TDoW, Candy would play a part in it.

Researching SCI

When I wrote the story, I did a lot of research. The story took me eight months to complete; a lot of that time was spent reading about SCI (Spinal Cord Injury) on the net. Christopher Reeve’s site, http://www.christopherreeve.org/, is highly recommended for anyone who’d like to read more about SCI. The site http://www.aarp.org/universalhome/ about how to create a home for someone who has a disability, was also a big help. It is interesting reading.

I chose to write about SCI because it sounded interesting and it was not something I’d ever seen in a fic before, not in the HP fandom and not in any other fandom I’ve visited (and I’ve visited a lot), save for fics in the Buffy-verse taking place when Spike in the series was actually wheelchair bound. From the reviews, I have come to understand that no one else has seen a fic about it either.

Check out the sources page for more information on what sites I’ve used. There’s also a list of what all the names in the story means.

The title of the story, The Depths of Winter, comes from a quote Jennifer sent to me months and months ago. ‘In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer’ (Albert Camus). The story wasn’t done when I decided on the name. Jen and I were suggesting a billion names, back and forth, until I chose this one – it was, of course, not even on the list… When I first decided, we called it ‘In the Depths of Winter’. Jen suggested I’d drop the ‘in’ and I did.

It is a bit strange, really. The first H/D fanfic I ever read was ‘On winter’s breath’ (by Savidana) and I loved the title. I was always unhappy with Time out of Place’s title – I thought it sounded so silly (Time out of Place was really just the working title that stuck). To me, The Depths of Winter sounds more… grown up. I’ve had a few people tell me they love the title. Anyway, the title is a bit of a thank you to ‘On winter’s breath’, for introducing me to H/D in such a beautiful way.

The plot and the suspect

My biggest fear with this story was always that my readers would find huge plotholes in it. As it seems now, there were no plotholes, or at least nothing that caught your attention. The twenty-fourth chapter has been called a lot of things. Insignificance said about it, “chap 24's almost too cliche and over dramatized. There's not nearly enough action,” while IndiaInk said, “That was unbearably sad.” Sadiew said it was a “very dramatic chapter with a scary as hell Hermione”, Sherdelune said, “Absolutely spellbinding!” and Animagus20 said, “great chapter! quite suspenseful” – which is what I was going for. I know there was a lot of talking going on, but there was no other way to explain things than to have Harry and Hermione talk. Maybe I should have concentrated more on just how mad Hermione was, but as I read the scene, I’m happy with it. It’s probably the scene that has had the most re-writes, too.

The cliffhangers have been far from popular – just as I expected (and wanted, heh). The amount of reviews skyrocketed at chapters 11, 23 and 24. Chapter 11, where Harry has just saved Draco from the burning apartment, chapter 23 which ends with ‘Hello, Harry. I had a feeling you’d come visit me’ and chapter 24, which ends with ‘I’m afraid I have some bad news’. The last one had comments like, “That...has got to be...the CRUELEST...cliffhanger ... in the history...of ff.net...” (hersheyhugs) and “Wow. Holy bloody hell; what a cliffie! Never will I ever have to endure a week of mind-twisting torture due to a cliffie like that, ever again!” (Wolfanimagus_77). Cliffhangers are definitely the best way to keep people interested – even if I get death threats…

I have been called all sorts of things too. Your comments have been most fun to read; to know just how into this story many readers have gotten. Moonys gurl said, “You are evil. Pure evil. And pure genius.” Crystal, Ms Reviewer-number-one, said on chapter 24, “Don't worry, we are not going to kill you - we still need to read the last chapter and the epilogue. But after that...^_~” According to Rivers_Webb, I also suck – “You suck. You truly truly suck. You suck you suck you suck.”

I must say, by the way, that I’m incredibly impressed with all my readers’ ability to suspect the right person pretty much immediately. I did everything keep people from guessing Hermione (in chapter nineteen, when Mona is cursed, she said ‘She’ll find me—’ in the original, rather than ‘I’ll be found—’), putting out all the clues pointing towards Mona and everyone else. Besides, Hermione is such a nice person – it couldn’t possibly be her.
Smilesing was one of the other few who was unhappy with Hermione as the culprit – “no offence but pretty much everyone figured out it was hermione back around chapter 13.” Now, I don’t think everyone figured it out before chapter 24 (at least that’s what people are saying in the reviews), but if you did – congrats to you. This is really a romance fic – the whole murder plot (or, well, revival plot) was really a second thing added for more fun. Most people seem to accept evil!Hermione. I sure thought she was fun to write.

I know a lot of people did get it right (even if they were unsure). So congratulations to kaitlyn142, utekai, Crystall, Okeaons, sherdelune, slasherbabe, cyndrarae, and everyone else who ‘knew’ it was Hermione before chapter twenty-four!

There was a surprising amount of people who suspected other characters than Hermione, especially at the cliffhanger of chapter twenty-three. I was a bit blown away by the suggestion that Draco would be behind everything. Like someone said when discarding the idea – I think Draco had many a chance to kill Harry long before that. Another popular guess was Voldemort, even though Harry had killed him. That’s more understandable, though – Voldie has a tendency to show up when you least want him to (do you ever want him to?). Then there was the suggestion that Lucius was behind it all. I suppose that could have fit – except I don’t like making someone who hasn’t shown their face in the entire fic the culprit. The same goes for Ginny and Molly Weasley, Snape (why on Earth would he be the bad guy here?), Dumbledore (funny suggestion, really…especially since he’s dead) and Hagrid (yes, Fluffy was there, but still – Hagrid?).

Question time!

Now, to answer a couple of questions.

MajinSakuko (ff.net): I wonder ... are you American? You mentioned the Beckhams in the third chapter, and they're not that famous oversea, are they?

No, I’m not American. I am actually Swedish, though I’ve spent a year as an exchange student in sunny California. This means I speak American English. I’ve tried my very best to write British English (and I’ve had a britpicker, Madgellin), but there will probably always be things I don’t get right.

I suppose you mean that America is overseas? Well, as far as I know, they’re not that famous over there. In Sweden, they’re famous, but nothing like they’re in Britain.

Crystall (Schnoogle): Quote: *"Didn't know it till I met you again and found out that you're Harry Evans, but yeah, I've seen your books." *
Huh? And what about Harry's photo on the cover?^_~

Simple – Harry doesn’t have his photo on the cover. He doesn’t mind having his name (Harry Evans) as the author on it, but he doesn’t want his picture there, much to the irritation of his publishing company.

Animagus20 (ff.net): first of all you don't write of Draco's feeling for Harry, and for Harry you just wrote a tiny bit. I like the action, but i was confused as to where Draco's heart stands. When did he start have feelings for Harry? Why did he? What about Harry?

There has also been questions as to why I don’t write about when Draco’s feelings for Harry started developing, or why or how. Like I said earlier in this tirade, I write from one person’s POV – Harry’s. This means that the only way you will find out anything of what Draco is thinking is if he talks or shows it in any other way. In my opinion, this gives it a bit more real feeling – in real life, you don’t know what the other person is thinking at all times, or even at all. From fanfics and books, we are used to reading several people’s POV, but that’s not the way I write.

J.N. Wanfried (Schnoogle): Your brief mention of Harry's classes at Uni made me wonder, though. What classes is he taking?

English. At least the term that the fic is about. I think I’ve written that at some point in the story… Not sure, though. I know Magdellin asked when she britpicked the story.

Sailor Grape (ff.net): …so Draco wasn't injured when he fell from the building? I guess the firefighters caught him at a good angle.

Fire fighters (at least here in Sweden) know how to catch people when they jump from high heights, without hurting the person.

Marzipan, silverblue eyes, Crystall, and others:
(Marzipan): One thing though, they really aren't ones for the Atkins diet are they with all the pasta they've been eating?
(silverblue eyes): Oh, and I've noticed that you seem to like pasta very much
(Crystall): quote: ‘”I'll make dinner. Is pasta okay?” Draco nodded.’
Are you sure, that Draco did just that and nothing more?
Because after: Chapter 5 : ‘Harry made his way to the kitchen where he cooked pasta’, quote: ’Chapter 9 : both young men opted for pasta‘ and quote: ’Chapter 14 : Myra served pasta with salmon and sauce ‘
I wouldn't be greatly surprised to read something like : "Draco howled and told Harry what exactly he could do with his pasta"^_~

Lol, I really hadn’t realized how much pasta they boys were eating. I suppose their eating habits are based on me – I eat pasta four, five times a week. And no, I’m not fat – I really don’t understand how the Atkins diet is supposed to work… Either way, I wouldn’t be able to give up my pasta… *holds pasta tightly* :) (But I’ll admit that after these mentions, I did change a few pasta dishes in the latter chapters)

Lizzie Minerva (Schnoogle): First he insists on paying the rent to Harry despite having no money, and when he finally gets himself a job, it's volunteer work!!!????!!!!

Well, let’s see… I know this is strange, but I’ll try to explain my thoughts. First, Draco insists on paying rent despite having no money. At this point, it’s Draco trying to be independent. He knows that he won’t be able to pay Harry, but the pretence that he will do it helps him. Meanwhile, Harry knows perfectly well that Draco won’t pay him – and he doesn’t care the least.

Second, he gets the job at the youth centre. At this point, Draco only wants to get a job. He doesn’t believe he will be able to get one with the wheelchair (he’s been unsuccessful so far) and when he’s offered the job at the youth centre, even though it’s volunteer work, he accepts. This is also to make him feel worth something, anything. The kids at the youth centre are supposed to be teenagers, not smaller children, and I think Draco would work better with those.

Crystall (Schnoogle) Was Draco's fall [in the bathroom] just an incident or is it somehow significant to the plot?

The fall in chapter twenty-two was just an incident I wanted in there to show that things still aren’t easy for Draco. A simple thing like getting in and out of the shower can still cause enormous trouble.

La nue sorcière (Schnoogle): (Chapter 24) How come everyone hits the walls when they fall over? Is it such a small room?

Well, they are throwing each other all over the room. I couldn’t say the size of the room – it’s, uh, medium sized – but when Hermione first throws all of them (Harry, Myra and Darius) into the wall, she throws them all the way across the room, from the door to the opposite wall. Draco is by the wall on Harry’s right side. The door to the other room (where Mona and Ron are ‘kept’) is next to the door that Harry and friends came through, opposite the wall they are bound to.

Dihall (Schnoogle): And will Myra and Darius be left with their memory of the Wizarding World or is there an Memory Charm in their future?

I decided Harry still has enough power to make sure that there are no Memory Charms involved when it comes to Myra and Darius… Don’t know if that’d work in canon, but that’s the way it is in the TDoW-universe :)

Finally, the thank yous

I’d like to say a huge thank you to all my betas: antarianprincess, delphina and Ashyheien. They are the ones who’ve helped me in presenting a story without mistakes (mostly). I’m certain there are still a few, because no one is ever perfect, but they are still the ones to thank – without them, there would have been a lot more.

I’d also like to thank Fionnabair (FA), who helped me with information on the London University, which Harry, Myra and Darius attend. Since I don’t live in England, I don’t have much of a clue of how uni works there.

Then there is Sarah and Magdellin, who have both read through the entire story in search of plotholes and Americanized words. Both of you are amazing, incredible and very helpful people.

Finally, the biggest of thank yous to all of you who’ve read and reviewed the story. One of my hopes for TDoW was that I’d reach 1000 reviews on ff.net and 1000 on Schnoogle and you guys helped me do that (I even reached 1500 on ff.net!). So thank you! It’s been six absolutely fabulous months and I hope you agree with me. Even though I know you hate all the cliffhangers… :)

See you next time I’ve written something impossibly long…
Hugs and love to everyone,
Cam